I was taking communion today, and I was thinking which is something I typically try to do because I think it is important to participate in the sacraments mindfully. It’s too easy to simply take the elements and not think after hundreds of times, so I will intentionally pray, mostly that Christ would make me worthy through himself to participate in communion.
Today, I was praying and looking at my little guy sleeping in my arms, and I thought of the great differences between Jesus and myself. The verse came to mind about how Jesus had poured out his life for many, and I thought about the pouring out of life that happens when one has a tiny infant. All of parenting is or should be a pouring out of your life for others, marriage too for that matter, but the newborn stage is particularly grueling for me because of both lack of sleep and the seemingly constant meeting of needs with nursing 8 or so hours a day.
So I was thinking about Christ pouring out his life versus me pouring out mine. We both give/gave up sleep except His complaint when he was woken was that they didn’t have faith, not that he needed more sleep. We both are feeding and providing from a seemingly inadequate source yet while Jesus simply looked to Heaven and trusted God to provide what was lacking, I worry and stress about what I am unable to do and be. He didn’t turn others away regardless of the time or whether He was heading to do something else. I have done both. When others sought to elevate Jesus, he humbled himself. When others don’t recognize my efforts and elevate me, I sometimes feel grumpy and unappreciated. It just made me think how great our Savior is. He did all of this perfectly when I do not.
So when I struggle, especially in this precious but demanding season, I can look to Jesus. He can sympathize and provide what I’m lacking, and I can know that He covered this sin too in His death and resurrection. He is enough when I am not.
If for no other reason than that they point me to Jesus, children are indeed a blessing. Of course, there are many, many other reasons.
Do your kids drive you to feeling singularly inadequate?